My Hero Versus Yours

Noori the first grader was excited. She had received a golden star for her poster titled “all about my hero”. When she showed me her award winning entry I was quite pleased. Her hero happened to be me, her father. 

Her poster was composed of photographs of me – at various places and in various poses, unbeknownst to me. She had highlighted a few facts about me and what I did. There were captions such as, “the best dad ever!”, “my hero fixes children”, “my dad dances salsa”, and so on. 

I tried my best not to let that hero worshiping go to my head. 

“Who’s my hero?” I asked myself, instead. I’m like that – a lot of clarity comes from seeking answers within.

The likely heroes are the usual suspects

Over the course of four decades that I have been living on this earth, roughly equal amounts were spent in two very distinct cultures.  For long stretches I’ve either lived in Karachi, Pakistan or Houston, Texas. If I go per cultural or societal specifications, then it’s a no brainer as heroes, real or potential, are obvious to most, if not all. That way I have come across various heroes who have influenced their communal contexts in Pakistan and the U.S. I can broadly group their motivations into political, religious or professional spheres. These were individuals that I had strongly associated with. I took something tangible from them, perhaps at times how not to live life. Although my hero could be an anti-hero, in either case something useful had been learned.

The unlikely heroes are the unusual suspects

Over the recent past I have come to the realization that heroes I really relate with the most are virtual. They may be characters in books that I have read. For instance, let’s take “the lord of the rings”. My hero is not Gandalf, the powerful wily magician, nor is it Aragorn, the human destined to be king of Middle Earth. My heroes are hobbits: unhandsome, plump, hairy midgets with strikingly ugly feet. Among the hobbits my ultimate hero is Frodo Baggins, the presumably inconsequential ring bearer who demonstrates wisdom, strength, love and compassion at a time when those attributes were needed most. He is so unassuming that he has no inkling of his inner strength and resolve, and that saves the day.

Winnie the Pooh from the Hundred Acre Wood is another “unlikely hero”. 

“Why not hyperactive Tigger or clever Rabbit?” You might ask.

Well, in today’s uber social media driven 21^st century, both Tigger and Rabbit would be the perfect “likely heroes” as they talk a lot, look busy and do nothing. Whereas Pooh shows me the path of just being in the here and now, enjoying a sunny day, eating honey, and yet things are getting done quite effectively around him. He’s my hero because he demonstrates the principle of small effort, high impact work.

Let’s talk about “on screen heroes” – characters we see in movies and might relate with on several levels. My screen hero lately is an unlikely bloke. He is not the power hungry, gun toting, ball busting, woman magnet Tom Cruise or George Clooney. Mine is the klutzy Steve Carell. His movies “Crazy, Stupid, Love” and “Dan in Real Life” come to mind [as an aside, I would perhaps not include “The 40 Year Old Virgin” here, but this is open to discussion]. The movies apparently belong to the genre of romantic comedies or “rom coms”, which I think are better than chick flicks any day. Some might argue that these are still crude and crass enough to have no bearing on real life. I beg to differ. I believe that resorting to tasteful humor, even in the most serious of situations such as love or lack thereof, life, illness and death, as showcased in the above movies, can be much more insightful than heavy emotionality, either in real life or in a movie. Steve Carell is my unlikely screen hero because he uses humor very effectively as a tool to help me reflect on the most confounding of human emotions.

What’s in a hero?

To summarize, what is more fun is to create a hero out of someone who is not really hero material per societal dictates. I think we all need a hero. Some more than others. A few perhaps need more than one. Given the volatility, intolerance and belligerence inherent in this century I’ve felt a natural gravitation towards cultural heroes more than the likely, traditional, religio-political ones. Depending on one’s life, the unlikely heroes might become real saviors.

Noori with Teddy Graham

I was quite touched that by calling me her hero, my child had given me so much consideration. However, being unsure as to how Noori perceived or distinguished between a hero (likely or unlikely), role model, mentor or father, I probed further.

“What’s a hero?” I asked her, not expecting much of an answer that would provide me closure.     

“Someone who loves me and makes me happy!” My child surprised me with her answer.

Simple answer… brilliant answer – something that even I can work with.

Wisdom of the child, the uncarved block, reigned supreme.

Noori’s my hero. 

[from the Kindergarten Diaries]

Acknowledgment: This article was first published in the Houston Inner Looper Newspaper [August 2014].