To Private or not to Private? That is the question!

“It’s time to put the kids in private school”, used to be Ayesha’s mantra, a few years ago. My companion and much better half of over a decade would have me believe that private schooling was exactly what the doctor ordered for our young kids. I, being somewhat twisted in logic, had a hard time coming to terms with that.

I understand, thus believe, that the private versus the public school dilemma is not new and that it is faced by many people across a wide spectrum of our nation’s populace. I also feel that it is of particular interest to the über-competitive desi (South Asian) Diaspora in Houston, and elsewhere. In fact, it is of such significance that it makes for much conversation whenever there is a meet and greet, typically at a birthday party, baby shower, bridal shower, or even the fashionable GNO (Girls’ Night Out).

The argument for private school goes somewhat like this: better teachers, better curriculum, more motivation, and more inspiration. If infected with the parasite Privatorum skoolosum, linear thinking becomes your forte, and you might get into this pathway: Private school ► Better college prospects ► Better jobs ► Better incomes ► Happier lives. Are these mere associations or causations? Do keep in mind that a correlation does not prove causation. Should the questioning be more along the lines: Is college for personal growth or for developing a career? Is it a means to an end, the end being a well paid job, which you may or may not like? Nowadays, for most people, that is immaterial, as long as much money is generated — and the same thought process is then transplanted to one’s children. Should a good college education be a goal in itself? Can it be a tool to achieve an outcome such as success in life? What is success? How should it be defined?

I don’t know whether compelling data exist that, compared to public schooling, private schooling is indeed more in favor of the child’s trajectory as defined by the above linear pathway. If we feel, in either situation, that we might be pushing our kids too much, and thus nudging them towards an unhappy adolescence or young adulthood, then it’s best that we reassess and revise our strategy. The same goes for when we don’t push our kids enough and that runs the risk of not helping them realize their full potential. In either situation, the kid should declare his ‘happy medium’. We can make good choices for our kids, whether private or public schooling, if we are well informed: not intolerant of either choice.

What about extra-curricular activities? Let’s take music as an example. The perception is that music lessons are better accomplished in private school settings. What’s more likely is that if your child has the aptitude, then she will learn the instrument equally well, given a good teacher (which might happen in either setting) and motivation to practice. Have you ever felt that you might be making your kid pick up an activity (academic, sport, music, or other extra-curricular related) because of something that you are lacking in yourself? If so, then you are likely living vicariously through your child. I’m guilty of that: I made my son ‘like’ the piano from an early age because I had always wanted to play it. After a few years of struggle he started enjoying it himself. And the icing on the cake: he went to public school! Overall, I think it is much more important that whatever we choose for our children it should be in their best interests: and that is equally likely to happen at either school type, private or public.

The high quality of public schooling in the United States allows for the foregoing discussion. 

When I think about my own schooling in Pakistan, it is not easy to extrapolate the private vs. public school debate to that country. There is a huge dichotomy between the two, based on my personal experience: I am a product of both public and private sector schooling. Private school education, though elitist at that time, by far served me a lot more. There is an inherent assumption that private schooling in Pakistan has come of age…that is debatable. However, the chasm between the two can be narrowed by education reform initiatives. Pakistan, like other developing countries, is in dire needs of high quality child education. Thus, a public-private partnership for improving the quality of education along the whole spectrum of schools, not just government-sector ones, in Pakistan, might be a move in the right direction. Imagine a day, in the not so distant future, when public sector schooling will be at par with private schooling, and we will have the Shakespearean conundrum being repeated for Pakistan as well.

Whatever the school setting or the country under consideration, once you’ve made that decision (choice) about schooling for your child then simply going on from there needs to be the focus. Avoid double-guessing yourself and retrospective regret. 

And if sanity calls for accepting one’s spouse’s instinctive feelings where the offspring’s schooling needs are concerned, so be it…I’m sold to private…it certainly makes for a happier life.

[from the Karachi-Houston diaries]

The following posts are related:

• Education in the 21st century: De-schooling & Re-schooling?
• Success: Failure Redefined?
• Parenting: An Enigma?